Finding Forgiveness
by ceirdwenfc
Summary: Snapshots of a life together. Auror Zacharias Smith and his wife Megan Jones with their family - mostly post DH, may include incidents and spoilers for daydverse see LJ comm for details. These are appearing out of chronological order.
1. Chapter 1 An Auror's Work is Never Done

It was late when Zacharias finally arrived home. He smiled seeing the still-warm plate on the work top. _What was it tonight? _he wondered. He poked the shredded chicken over noodles with a fork and tried a bite. "Mmm." He ate another couple of forkfuls despite having already had some curry takeaway at the office. Five years later, and he would always rather eat at home. Between Megan's cooking and peas flying across the table and the milk almost always spilling, he preferred home around the scrubbed wooden table that he hoped would grow with his family. He felt safe at home. He drew his wand from its sheath to direct the cooling charm on what he left on the plate. He put the plate in their fridge and drank the tea also waiting for him. He glanced over the file folder he'd brought home and then sealed it in his case. The last time he'd forgotten that little step of sealing it away, Neville had covered the photographs with peanut butter. He set the case next to the table for the morning and finished his tea, never sitting down despite his exhaustion.

He left all the dishes on the work top while he hung his bright green robes behind the door of the front-hall closet and ran his wand over them for cleaning. They would be fresh by the morning, but there was something that Megan did to them that he couldn't quite figure out that made them perfect. He took a deep breath, blinking the sleep from his eyes. His nightly ritual was almost complete as he unsealed the wand holster from his forearm, hanging it beside his robes before he flicked his wand in the direction of the kitchen, extinguishing the lights and setting the protection spells in place for the night.

He stood at the bottom of the stairs gazing first at the sofa a little too longingly and then back at the tall staircase once more. There was a soft glow coming from the top of the stairs. Neville had just started using the big loo, and little fairy lights lined the hallway from his room to the toilet. Zach thought he might like to stay down here instead of climbing those many stairs. He hadn't been this tired since the Auror Academy and this was his fourth late night in a week and wouldn't be his last. It seemed impossible that any Death Eaters remained at large, but the Auror department was insanely busy; the case load growing in fact. They were close to this next one, and it was Zach's turn to go home for a couple of extra hours. He thought only a moment more and then climbed the stairs. He smiled at the thought of what awaited him in his bed, stopping only long enough to first check on his two boys.

Neville and Wayne were both sound asleep; their little boy snores echoing in the little room. He tapped his wand against the glass of the windows and lowered the blinds. Zacharias stopped now to look at them. Neville was exactly him when he was that age, but Wayne…Wayne was the spitting image of Megan. He kissed them both on their cheeks and brushed the hair from their closed eyes, covering them up, giving them one last look before closing the door with a soft click, the magic shimmering around the door frame.

He tiptoed into his own bedroom, placing his wand in the drawer of his bedside table. It hadn't been that long ago that he slept with it under his pillow. He silently removed his clothes, thankful that it seemed over the top to do that now, but things were brewing. He could feel it and he wasn't the only one. There was something in the air lately, especially across the Sea. Fortunately, that wasn't his jurisdiction. There was a low cough from the bed that drew his attention there. He frowned. Megan had been feeling ill the last week or so, and he had been asking her to see the Healers at St. Mungo's. She kept insisting that the boys left her not time. Zacharias shook his head. Hopefully, his owl to her mum requesting a babysitter had convinced her. Hestia was usually on his side in this familiar disagreement. He watched her back until her breathing evened out again and then he approached the bed.

He slid under the covers, fully intending to go to sleep, but he put his hand on Megan's hip – just to let her know he was home, and her body felt warm under his cool hands. _So warm_. He inched closer until he had molded himself around her, resting one hand on her thigh and the other stroking her hair. It was shorter than he liked, but with the two little ones, she liked it in an easy style that was quick in the mornings and one that Wayne didn't tug on too much.

Zach was beginning to warm up against her body and he began to nibble her neck, tracing circles with his tongue until finally she could pretend to be asleep no longer and groaned in response, adding, "It's a good thing my husband's not home."

"Mmm, good thing," he answered raising her nightshirt to feel the warmth of her bare thigh. "Oh, baby, I've missed you." He lifted himself and tried to kiss her, to take her mouth with his, but she pulled away. "No, don't tease me; not tonight," he whinged, scooting along with her to her side of the bed.

"Speaking of babies," she started, rolling towards him.

He opened his eyes. "You're not?"

Megan licked her lips with a smile. "I am."

Zacharias laughed, pulling her close, scattering her face with kisses. "I want a girl this time; a princess who looks exactly like her beautiful Mum."

"I'll see what I can do." She answered him with her own sweet kisses, adding in a soft questioning voice, "Are you sure, Zach?"

"A beautiful princess like her Mum. I'm sure."

"No." She pat his chest playfully, but let her hand linger. "I mean a big family like this. We'll have three under five."

"I want three under –. Do you want to stop with this one?"

She hesitated. "No. I want more."

Zach smiled. "Me, too. One by one, Meggie, I want to fill this house with laughter and beautiful children who look like you."

Zach laughed in surprise as Megan pushed him away, then climbed to sit on top of him, rubbing against him. She pressed her body down against his hips and he let out another deep breath, watching his wife. He touched her exposed skin when she raised the nightshirt, pulling it over her head, letting it fall to the side of the bed. She sat there, naked, biting her lower lip and let him look at her. Sometimes, like now, he was so turned on, he couldn't wait to touch her, but he did wait, knowing she liked it when he looked. His breathing sped up and when his eyes met hers, he knew how lucky he was. Every day he was grateful that she had taken him back; forgiven him. He couldn't contain his desire for her any longer, letting his hands roam, following her curves with his palms, turning them over and kneading her with his knuckles. He sat up as best he could with her atop him and met her mouth with his own, grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her down on top of him. He would die a happy man if her laugh rang in his ears the way it just had and he quickly rolled her, pinning her on her back with deeper kisses; longer kisses for his wife; the mother of his children.

One at a time; one by one; they would have that large family that neither of them had, but longed for. He glanced at the moon filled window, the frame shimmering with his protection spells. It would be a safe world for his children. He would see to that.


	2. Chapter 2Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

The darkness was slowly leaving his mind, but still left him in a foggy dim place. Zacharias could hear the voices, some pained, very low and the words ebbed and flowed as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

"What the fuck _was_ that?"

"…masks…fucking again…"

"I hate the bloody masks!"

"…new. Who…"

"That tall one – where did he come from?"

"Harry, have you found out anything yet?"

"No. How's Smith?"

"The same."

Tony's voice kept echoing in his head. "Tall. Blond. Tall. Was that a bird? Bird. Earring."

"Fuck," Zacharias expelled with a gasp.

"Zach, mate. Are you all right? Hey guys, he's waking up!"

There was a hand on his arm, pushing him back down as the darkness closed in around him again, but he had to fight it. _Why do I have to fight it? Why can't I sleep?_

_Tall…blond…where have I seen that tattoo before? Tall…blond…tall…blond. Oh fuck. Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck! Megan._

His eyes opened and at the same time he sat bolt upright in the bed. Bright white assaulted them and he had to close his eyes even as he covered them with his hand. "Oh fuck!" he said out loud. His voice cracked with rawness, an emotional place he'd only been twice before. "Need to get home. Meg, the babies." He started to rise from the bed, and he realized that he was in a room in hospital. Tony and Ron were on either side of him. He saw someone else in the adjacent bed – _was that Finch-Fletchley, but that didn't matter. Meg._ The pull he felt to his wife was absurd, but he knew he needed to leave there, even as his head was spinning and his leg was burning with pain. He tried to swing his legs over the side of the bed.

Tony's hands were on him again, comforting, and Ron was pushing him back down. "It's all right, Zach. They're fine. You've got a concussion. We're just waiting on the Healer for you, but –"

When he felt the pillow on the back of his head once more, he sat up again, the room starting to clear; the faces of his fellow Aurors becoming unmistakable, all of them save Justin standing around the two beds.

"No! Tony! Fuck! My family," he cried out, grabbing for Tony's collar without so much as a warning. Tony stumbled, almost losing his balance in Zach's solid grip. He gasped, sputtering in Tony's face with the malice of his words. "Tall guy – blond."

"Yeah, never saw him before. He got you good."

Zacharias stood, pulling his wand from its place in the holster still on his arm. He swayed, the room rotating before his eyes, and he grabbed Tony again, but Tony was ready for him and kept his feet steady. He looked into Tony's eyes and said one word before Apparating home.

"Neighbor."

Zacharias appeared suddenly in his living room, shaking off the dizzy that had enveloped his brain in a painful sensation. The disorientation faded with the Apparation as he raised his wand, surprising Megan and her guest, both sitting on the floor sorting through baby clothes. His only thought was the mantra repeating over and over in his head that brought him to her from St. Mungo's. _A pregnant witch is a powerful witch._

"Zach," Megan laughed, but her smile turned to concern as she took in his condition. He could feel the blood oozing down the side of his face. She attempted to stand up, but nine months of baby was making that difficult and he waved her back down without looking at her. "Zach, what's happened to you? What's going on?"

He ignored her. His focus was on the man standing in the threshold of their open front door. Tall, blond, neighbor. Death Eater. Eric Jenkins had a smile on his face, raising his own wand slightly, not pointing it at Zach _or_ Megan, but the two boys that were standing in front of him at the bottom of the stairs.

"I hadn't noticed the green robes until last week, Auror Smith. Had no idea. You seemed like a proper bureaucrat, pushing paper in some stuffy office. Who knew?"

Zach didn't dare look at his boys, but kept his focus on the man. _Focus on the man._

"What are you going on about, Eric?" Zach had only heard that voice once or twice before, but he recognized it for their neighbor, Ellie. She and Megan had bonded over their well-timed pregnancies. She had watched the boys one night so that he and Megan could go out for their anniversary. _His boys had been in their house._ "Eric, what is this about?"

"Didn't your husband tell you he's a Death Eater?" Zach asked, a slight edge to his voice, hoping to mask his fright with smugness. His head throbbed and he half-expected to pass out from the pain in his leg, but he knew that he couldn't. _Please keep me standing until they get here._

"Eric, what is Zacharias talking –"

"Don't worry about it. There's just been a mistake. You should go home though. Now."

"No," Zach interjected. "Why don't you stay? I think you're the only thing keeping my family alive at the moment. At least stay until the rest of the Aurors get here."

"That's a nice try, but I'd know if they were on their way. When did you realize? You didn't _seem_ to recognize me in Shrewsbury."

"Neville," Zach called out, startling everyone in the room. "Why don't you take your brother upstairs and play with your game of Broomsticks and Cauldrons?"

"I don't think so," Eric said. "Stay right there, Neville." His dark tone was not unnoticed by Zach. "Actually, son, why don't you boys come sit closer to your Mum?"

"No," Megan said. "Leave my boys alone." The last time Zacharias heard Megan's voice use that tone, that deep inflection of Mummy enraged, she was using it on the Healer when Neville was born. She had only said a few words to him before he left, but then she turned on the Healer, and she used that tone. It scared him. He was glad that he was leaving.

"Mum?" Five year old Neville spoke quietly, his voice unsure. He clasped Wayne's hand in his and took a step towards Jenkins.

"No," Zach gasped out, taking his own unsteady step forward. He didn't hear the spell; didn't see the jet of red light; didn't see the wand move. He only saw his neighbor shudder, a look of surprise on his face as he swayed and then fell forward, knocking over the lamp and Zach could see now why he saw no one's wand move in the sitting room.

"Don't ever threaten my grandchildren."

"Mum," Megan said with a smile. "You're late."

"Fashionably late, love. Zacharias, you look like shite."

He laughed. "Well, that's better than I feel then. Could you call the Aurors, do ya think? I thought they'd be here already and I don't think Meg or I could get into the fireplace for a Floo chat just now."

Hestia Jones stepped over the body and grabbed the boys from the staircase, bringing them into the kitchen, promising the biscuits that were in her bag while Zach turned his wand on Mrs. Jenkins. She was staring at her husband's body sprawled across the Smith floor, and Zach lowered his wand as Megan took charge of the other woman's. She sat there in stunned silence, hands across her own swelling belly.

Megan managed to get herself up and went to put her arms around Zach's waist, but he shook his head, grabbing her arm. "Could you help me sit – before I fall?" She guided him to the chair and he fell backwards into it, crying out as he bent his leg the wrong way.

"What happened to you?"

"Ambushed. He was there." He nodded his head towards Jenkins. "What did he say that he did for a living?"

"He was a financier. He worked with the Goblins rebuilding parts of Diagon Alley."

"Are you sure that it wasn't Knockturn Alley?"

"I think I would have remembered." Megan sat on the arm of the chair, rubbing her fingers gently in circles over his temples, kissing him once on the head. "You're bleeding, Zach."

"Yeah. They think it's concussed. I'm pretty sure that my ankle's broken by now. Lots of pain." He winced, grabbing her knee a bit too hard. He looked up at her and their eyes met. His whole body began to shake and he was beginning to fear that he was in shock. He dropped his head onto Megan's leg, and she bent over as much as she could manage, stroking his hair.

"It's all right, Zacharias. We're all fine. We're all –"

Her voice cracked now and they held each other. Zach could hear Tony's voice and Harry as they made arrangements to transport Jenkins as well as his wife for questioning. The house was bustling now. It seemed as though the entire Auror department was there and then someone was touching his leg. He opened his eyes to see a man in green Healer's robes tending to him. Zach turned towards the sudden noise in the kitchen.

Megan ruffled his hair. "Get ready. The Hogwarts Express is coming."

"The what?"

"They've been playing the Hogwarts Express all day. I think Neville's the train and Wayne is the owl that lands on the train, although you might be the train now and they might both be the owls."

The choo-choo sounds were growing louder and when Zach saw his boys lifting their arms as if the fluttering of owl wings, he cringed, but braced himself for the impact of his sons jumping over the back of the chair to land painfully in his lap. He smiled, ruffling each of their heads, and resting one hand on Megan's very large stomach, his head back against the chair, his eyes closed while the Healer worked.


	3. Chapter 3 Fluffy Bunnies

"What are you doing?" Megan's voice was friendly to her second youngest child, but it was imbued with authority.

Morag remained silent. _Biding her time_.

"Morag," Megan said quietly. "What are you holding in your hands?" Megan stopped what she was doing, laying the knife on the work top to look into her daughter's wide blue eyes.

_Nice try, Mummy. She has you where she wants you now_. Zacharias watched Morag open her eyes wider in owl-like fashion.

"Can we keep it, Mummy?" Her eyes were pleading, and Megan was already shaking her head. "But Mum, it's so tiny and look, it has your eyes." _Nice touch_.

Zacharias smiled, wondering what helpless creature Morag had discovered in the garden. They already had a menagerie with one crup, two Kneazle kittens, the turtle and the snake that they finally were able to give to the Mahers.

"No, Morag, we can't have a –"

"Daddy will say yes," she humphed.

"Well, you can certainly ask him, but I believe he will say 'no'."

"He won't say no. _He_ loves me." Megan lifted her head from her work and met her daughter's eyes. Morag didn't flinch, but Neville lifted little Janice into his arms and set her on the work top to help with the rest of the biscuit dough, keeping as much away from her tiny hands.

Megan looked away first – _mistake number one – she didn't keep her authority_. Morag turned her back on her mum and went into the other room – _mistake number two – Megan let the animal into the main house_. The door swung back and forth a couple of times and Megan called after her. "You're going to miss out on the biscuits, lovey."

Zacharias smiled, watching the scene unfold from outside the garden door. The others had only finished putting all the drops of biscuit dough on the metal baking sheet, and Megan bent over to place the tray into the warm oven. Zach tilted his head, admiring his wife.

_She had an exceptional arse_. He suppressed a chuckle, thinking that even after eight years of life together, she could still affect him so easily. The kids ran from the kitchen, the door to the sitting room swinging forcefully on its hinges and Zach used this opportunity to slip unnoticed by them into the kitchen.

Megan turned, but before she could greet him, he dropped his case on the floor and fell to his knees, throwing his arms around her and pressing his cheek against the flat plane of her stomach.

"Oh Mummy, please can I keep it? It loves me, and Daddy will love it as well because _I_ love it. _Please, Mummy_."

He looked up at Megan's face, rapidly blinking his eyes at his wife.

She smiled at him and ruffled his hair before attempting to step away. Zach refused to release her, still smiling. He ran his hand over the curve of her arse, pulling her tightly against him, moving his hands over hips and dipping into her waist.

He lifted her shirt and placed a long drawn out kiss on her navel. "This is lovely. I had forgotten that you had a waist."

"Cheeky," she said, swatting him in the head. "Who do you think got me without a waist?"

"The wand maker?" he asked in wide-eyed innocence.

She went to swat him again, but he grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips. She nodded her head towards the sitting room. "And who do those children look like?

"The Knight Bus driver?"

He smiled as she began to tap her foot and then rested her hands on his shoulders. "How's your back?"

His eyebrows narrowed, unsure of why she stopped playing, but responded with a shrug, "Fine, why?"

"I think you'll be sleeping on the sofa if your way of thinking doesn't vastly improve."

He loosened his grip on her and stood up, letting his body bear down against her on his way up.

"I love your waist." He let his fingers trace her waist.

"I _love_ your arse." His hands cupped her bum.

He brought his hands around to her front and skimmed them over her stomach and began to caress his way up. "I love your –" He had just reached her breasts, but unfortunately that was when the door swung open and his group of Smiths re-entered the kitchen.

"Daddy!" was the chorus and then Morag's voice rose above all the others.

"Did Mum tell you? We have a new bunny. His name is Bunny and he's so soft and he's already in the hutch with Carrots and Celery."

Megan interrupted. "I didn't say we were keeping him, Morag."

"Yes, you did, Mummy. And we are."

"Morag."

Smartly, Zach took a step back letting his two oldest girls duel it out, but his experience was that youth and vigor would win this round.

Stepping around the large counter, he took Janice from Neville and kissed her head, rubbing his cheek against hers.

"Tell me about the bunny, Morag."

"His name is Bunny, Daddy?"

"Bunny Daddy?" he teased.

"No, Dad. Just Bunny." Zach exchanged a look with Megan. Neville's serious explanation said a lot about his personality. Hogwarts was only two years away and Zach was betting on Ravenclaw. He was reminded of Tony Goldstein's serious ways.

"And he's brown, Daddy," Morag added. "Like Mummy's eyes. Pretty bunny. Do you like Mummy's eyes?"

Zach looked at Megan, who was grinning. "I love your Mummy's eyes." He leaned over the work area to kiss Megan. "How long, love 'til dinner?"

"About thirty minutes."

His face was still pressed to Janice's, deeply inhaling her baby smell. He gave her a delicate kiss on her nose and blew gently in her face, making her squint and laugh. "Come on, kids, let's leave your Mum to finish fixing dinner." He turned to Megan. "Do you need help?" She shook her head, but leaned over for another kiss. "Good. Come on. Show me this pretty bunny that looks like Mummy."

"It doesn't look like Mummy," Wayne laughed. "It's all hairy."

"Furry, not hairy," Morag supplied. "It's the same color as Mummy. He can sleep in my room, can't he, Daddy?"

"No," said Megan.

"Mum. I asked Daddy."

"No, Morag, he sleeps in the hutch with his bunny friends."

"Really?" Zach and Neville asked in unison.

There was a long pause, and Megan did not look up when she answered. "Yes, all right. He stays, but as I said, he sleeps in the hutch."

"Yay!" they all chorused including Zacharias.


	4. Chap4It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding

*******2 June 1998*******

"Dad, this is ridiculous. And Megan's agreed to this?"

"Agreed? Lad, her parents have insisted. Think of it as a lesson learned."

"Lesson learned? Dad, I'm only 18. It's the rest of my life. I hadn't planned –"

"Which you should have thought about before you went and put your –"

"I didn't. You're not listening to a word I've been saying. I've already told you –"

"So are you saying Zacharias, that this Jones girl is lying – that her baby is not _your_ baby? Because if that's the case, the remedy is simple. You wash your hands of this girl _and_ her baby –"

"No! You don't understand. _I_ don't understand."

"Zacharias." He put his hand on his son's shoulder, and Zacharias looked up at him. "Is this child yours? Or are you trying to protect her reputation at the expense of your own? You said yourself that you stopped dating after the Easter holidays. She could have been with another boy between that time and now. You could say –"

"No! I refuse to believe that." Zach stood up and looked into his father's eyes, thinking about the hurt that came over Megan's face when he accused her of just that. That would always haunt him. "No. It's my baby. I'm sure."

"Glad that's settled. We'll meet the Jones' at the Ministry in the morning. You should try and get a good night's sleep."

*******3 June 1998*******

Zacharias adjusted his tie in the grimy mirror. It was a dingy toilet and Zach looked down as he leaned his hands on the sink, brooding. The porcelain was cold beneath his palms and he looked into the mirror yet again. His hair was too long. He should have had it cut. Perhaps if he used a severing charm, it would look better. He wondered where Megan was waiting; what she was thinking. He hoped that it wasn't in a dirty loo. A girl's wedding day was supposed to be special. This wasn't what she deserved. After everything he'd done to her, and now this, it was no wonder she wasn't speaking to him. That didn't seem as though it would change any time soon either. The marriage would be official, but with his training about to begin, Megan would be staying with her parents. He thought that was mostly her decision to stay away from him.

He turned around and leaned back against the sink, arms folded over his chest. At least, he'd have a job to go along with his new found family. He was glad that Auror Robards agreed to let him start the Auror Academy in the next few days. They were short-staffed and Zacharias knew that he could do a good job if given the chance. He had heard that other DA members were joining up as well…but of course, he wasn't DA, was he? Megan's silence was only a reminder of that; of what he'd done; what he didn't do. He wasn't wrong. He knew that he wasn't wrong. Not about leaving. Just about Megan. He was certain that she'd follow him out; that she'd stand by him. She didn't. That hurt, but when Colin took it so personally and banned him from the DA, he effectively banned him from Megan. Zach didn't know if he could ever forgive Colin for that.

Well, he wasn't going to spend his morning here. This was like waiting for the hangman, and that wasn't the way he would start off his new life. He left the toilet in search of the office where he would be married. He saw his parents talking quietly at the end of the hall, and there was Mr. Jones, still looking formidable in his wheelchair. He made eye-contact with Zacharias. When he and Megan's step-Dad had ganged up on him the other morning, he felt like he'd been hexed seven ways to Sunday. He definitely didn't want to see either of them right now, so Zacharias ducked into what he thought was an empty office.

It wasn't empty.

Megan turned around at the sound of the door clicking closed and he stopped, staring at her. Her hair was pulled back in a single plait, but there was a strand that had fallen across her eyes. He wanted to pin it back behind her ear. She was wearing a pale yellow dress and her arms were bare and she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. He took a step towards her, needing suddenly to touch her.

"Megan," he started to say, reaching out his hand, but before he reached her she simply turned away; looking back towards the window. She didn't say a word to him.

Soon they were in the proper office, his family on one side, hers on the other. He smiled at her. She did not return it. There was a fog in his mind as they repeated what the Ministry clerk said to them. Zacharias held Megan's hand in his. He looked into her eyes, but quickly looked away. She was still full of anger, but her parents were even more insistent, if that were possible, than his that they marry and marry soon. He moved his thumb back and forth across hers as they said their vows that he would barely remember.

"Will you?"

"I will."

He chuckled inside as she hesitated when it came to her turn, needing the encouragement of her Mum. He had many regrets from the past three months, but this may have been the greatest one. She hadn't spoken to him since the Battle, but there was an underlying anger hanging in the air when they were in any room together.

"Zacharias?" The quiet voice brought Zach out of his memory; his regret and he looked at the Ministry official, who looked expectantly at him with an eager smile.

"You're married, Zacharias. Kiss your bride." Megan's fingers tightened on his hand. He was glad that he couldn't actually read her mind. _She really was angry_. He took one step forward, but stopped when he felt her flinch. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her lips – not too quick, but not lingering. He'd missed her so much and the taste of her lips brought it all back to him, but before he could say a word, she pulled out of his arms.

Megan crossed her arms and leaned against the door jamb. Zach stood nearby in almost an identical stance while their parents spoke. He glanced at Megan and she looked away quickly. He swallowed. She had been staring at him. _Was that a good sign? Or was she plotting his death?_

He unfolded his arms and walked over to her. She tried to back away, but was already against the door. He put his hands on her shoulders and moved them down slowly, caressing her bare arms. She looked away. He tilted his head as if to kiss her, but instead leaned his head against hers, kissing the side of her head, continuing to press his lips to her while he spoke.

"Meggie…I'm…I'm sorry – for this. I know you're angry…for a lot of reasons…and I know I have a lot to ask your forgiveness for, but…I love you Megan Jones. Smith. I have for a long time and I promise…I'll make this right for you." He kissed her again, softly, gently, and even though he wanted more, wanted to touch her skin under his fingertips, but instead respected her boundaries and he stepped away. When he turned back, she was watching him.

*******3 June 2003*******

Zacharias and Megan stood together in their garden. She was wearing the same yellow dress she had worn five years ago, the first time that they had been married. The biggest difference between this day and that, aside from their three children in attendance, was that she also wore a joyful smile when she looked at him. And she was speaking to him. This was the loveliest gift that her parents could have given them, well, in addition to minding the kids tonight so he and Megan could be alone for a few hours.

Minister Robards stood before them and Zach couldn't help it, but knew he was also grinning like an idiot. Megan's Mum was holding tiny Morag, barely two weeks old and he was overcome by emotion thinking about the last couple of weeks, simply happy that his kids were safe. Standing beside him, serving as best men, were Neville and Wayne, both looking older in their dress robes than their four and three years.

Megan stepped into Zacharias' arms and kissed him.

"Just a moment, Miss Jones," the Minister said with a slight laugh to his admonishment. "We're not up to that part yet."

Everyone laughed and the Minister continued, albeit briefly.

"Kiss your bride, Zacharias."

He took one step and when he put his hands gently on Megan's face, she grabbed his arms to pull him closer to the amusement of his fellow Aurors in the front row of chairs. As soon as his lips touched hers, he forgot about them, relishing in the softness, noticing how moist they were, how lovely they tasted. His hands left her face, going around her waist to pull her against his body tightly. He barely heard the low commentary from the row of Aurors, especially Callahan, and smoothed his hands flat across her back, dipping into her waist that was slowly returning. He might have gone lower, but he heard an "Oi" from the audience, and hoped that it wasn't one of their parents. They certainly got enough of the mickey taken out of them about their brood of children.

He slowly ended the kiss, licking his lips, looking into his wife's eyes, so pleased that she would get the wedding she deserved, even if it was a few years late.


	5. 5 Speech is Silver Silence is Golden

It had been a long day, but finally it had arrived. His holiday. Head Auror Robards had been very generous to him. Since he was the only family man, albeit a small family, he was given the rest of the week off. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and he didn't need to return to his training until Monday. He had finally gotten up the courage to speak to Ron of all people and he thought that he was prepared for a long weekend with his wife. And his son, but it was the wife part that was keeping him wound up. It was very late and as he stood outside the flat's door, he took a deep breath and opened the door quietly.

He had assumed that Megan would be asleep. He was mistaken. He really needed to hone those Auror skills. Megan was sitting on the floor in a sea of Christmas ornaments, garland and tree limbs. Her back was shaking and he realized as soon as he opened the door that she must have cast a Muffliato on the flat for him not to hear her crying out in the corridor. He closed the door quickly and dropped his case, making his way over to his distraught wife.

"Megan, what happened? Where's Neville? Is everything all right?"

She was sobbing so hard she couldn't speak, but she nodded towards the cradle just outside of the mess. Tiny Neville's fist could be seen and Zach went over just to peek. He smiled down at his month old son and knowing that he was happily sleeping and safe, he turned back to Megan. She had just finished with a very large yawn that ended with a hiccup, but at least she her sobs had stopped.

Zacharias took off his robes and tie and tossed them on the sofa behind Megan before he kneeled down beside her on the floor. He hesitated, but only for a moment before reaching out to grasp her shoulders. She looked up at him and he grimaced at seeing her red-rimmed eyes and tear streaked face. Without saying another word, he pulled her into his arms and held her. For a split second, she was stiff, her arms spread out, not touching him, but very quickly she melted into his embrace, putting her arms tightly around his waist and pressing her cheek against his chest.

He stroked her hair and moved it off her face. He wanted to take care of her and be a good husband, but he was having a hard time reconciling that with the arousal he was feeling being this close to her. He kissed her gently on the head and continued to comb out her hair with his fingers. How was he going to stay dispassionate when all he wanted to do was to pull the robes from her body and take her on the floor? She sobbed into his chest and that seemed to bring him out of his thoughts.

"Megan, what happened? What's got you so upset?"

"This." She shook her head as she pulled away from him, sitting back on her heels and gesturing with wild hands at the mess.

"What?"

"I…I wanted this holiday to be perfect. It's Nev's first, and…and our first. I thought that since I was speaking to you again that we'd have a lovely holiday. Hermione was over earlier and she helped me get the boxes from Mum's house and your Mum brought some of your special holiday things and I wanted to surprise you."

The amount of her babble was what was really surprising him right now. He hadn't heard her voice since before the Battle of Hogwarts. Only when he abandoned her again in the delivery room did she say anything to him and that wasn't as bad as it could have been. They've been coming back to each other slowly, and little Neville was definitely helping in that endeavor.

"This is brilliant. It's a veritable treasure trove of our childhood. I don't understand what's got you so upset, Meg."

"Look around, Zacharias! It's just a mess. And you'd think with all the magic we have, that it shouldn't be such a mess. The tree was lopsided, so I fixed it. Then the other side was lopsided, so I fixed it, but then Neville needed to nurse and then the tree fell over and the crash gave him such a fright that he cried and there's boughs and pine needles everywhere, even in his nappies. And he wouldn't stop crying and I couldn't remember the sleeping draught that your Mum said she used on you and do we even _have_ chamomile in the cupboard because I couldn't find it and –"

Her voice had been rising and he cut her off by doing the only thing he could think of that wouldn't get him hexed. He kissed her. It was supposed to be short, quick, not intrusive – just enough really to shut her up, but once his lips were on hers, they had taken on a mind of their own, and he was kissing her. Megan. His wife. His beautiful wife; the mother of his son, and she tasted, oh wait, was she kissing him back? Oh Merlin's Mother, was that her tongue?

They broke apart on the verge of breathlessness, staring at each other. Megan's eyes gleamed and Zacharias didn't know what to do next. At least, she wasn't hysterical anymore. She reached out and caressed his cheek and he turned into her touch, rubbing his face against her palm.

"Zach…why did you leave me?"

The question caught him off guard and it took him a second to realize what she meant. "Leave you? I didn't –"

"The DA, Zach?"

"Oh." They hadn't talked about it; not at all in the last eight months. They hadn't talked about anything – between her silence, his training and sleeping on the sofa, there hadn't been much to say. He bit his lip, not ready to go there, but he thought that at least they _were_ talking. "I thought it was best, Meg. I didn't leave you. I thought you'd come with me; stand by me."

"You should have talked to me first before you made the decision."

He nodded. He knew that now. _He had been so sure_. "I was so sure, Meg. I was so sure." He looked away, but her hand brought his face back so he had no choice but to look at her. She took two steps on her knees to close the space between them and kissed the corner of his mouth.

A shiver rose slowly up his spine and he closed his eyes, leaning his head back when Megan ran her finger along his cheek, moving down until finally stopping at the top of his shirt. She unbuttoned it slowly and when she spread it apart, he felt her fingertips on his skin beneath. His heartbeat quickened but when he looked into her eyes, it almost stopped. It wasn't need that he saw there, but want; a silent plea to forgive _her_ for the months of silence when he was the one who should have begged her forgiveness.

He took Megan's face in his hands and rubbed his lips across hers. He wanted to be gentle and he started that way, pressing his mouth delicately to her face, her ear, her neck. He moved back to her mouth but when her teeth grazed his bottom lip, tugging, all his restraint was lost.

He pulled open her dressing gown, and was surprised to see that all she had on were knickers. He glanced at her face and once they were past the momentary embarrassment, with nothing to encumber him, he touched her. Her skin was raised with gooseflesh as the cool air touched her. He was staring. Her breasts were so different than he had remembered, bigger, definitely bigger – he would have to remember to thank his son for that. He traced one with two of his fingers and he tried to remember what Ron had told him, but every time Ron entered his mind, he'd look at Megan's breasts and instinct clearly took over.

He nuzzled them with his nose, rubbing his face against them, between them. He was feeling lightheaded and her smell was intoxicating. It was a combination of things – the baby Neville smell, the milk, along with Megan's natural scent and sweat from her, the pine on the floor – it made him crazy with desire. She tasted…well, he couldn't place it, but it didn't matter. His skin was against her skin and he grinned, enjoying the new sounds that she was making in the back of her throat as he explored her, smoothing flat hands over curves, squeezing, moving her flesh, shivering when she did the same to him. His body responded easily to her touch and it didn't take long for them to shed the rest of their clothes.

"Megan." He barely breathed her name, his breath flushing her skin, and she traced his lips with her tongue, making him forget himself in her. The warmth of her body surrounded him, and they seemed to find their stride, muscles tightening, hair falling, hips meeting, pausing only once when Neville cried out, but that didn't last more than a second, and once he was inside her, oh Merlin, he couldn't think. His mind simply shut down, shouting out single words and hearing only the sounds Megan made in his ear.

He knew he must have sounded ridiculous, incoherent in fact, but it didn't matter to either of them. They were both sweating; Zach's hair sticking to his face and he looked into Megan's rosy face. She didn't meet his eyes, but he tilted her head and smiled gently at her.

"Are you all right, Meggie?" It slipped out – his pet name for her. Usually, she pulled a face and asked him to stop calling her that, but this time, she smiled easily and touched his face, nodding in response to his question. "You sure?" He was concerned that he'd lost control; gone too far.

She nodded again, and lifted herself up on her elbows to reach his mouth once more, pulling him down on top of her when she lay back on the floor amid all the Christmas decorations. They had begun to drift off to sleep when Neville began his requests for his midnight snack as Megan liked to call these late night feedings. She laughed and let him cry for a moment or two to see if he'd go back to sleep while she ran her fingers through Zach's hair. When the demands became more insistent, Zach left his cozy nest to lift their son up and held him against his bare chest. He kissed his son's tiny head and when he turned around Megan was already pulling her dressing gown on, but leaving the front open for feeding. Zacharias handed him over, but pulled Megan into his arms. Neville took matters into his own hands. Zach could hear his son suckling while he peppered his wife's face with kisses, leaving her giggling and out of breath.

While he got her a glass of water, she settled herself in the bedroom. He watched from the door. She was covered up to her waist with the blankets. The dressing gown still hung off her shoulders, and Zach watched Neville who had already started on her other side. Zach set the water on the night table. "Do you need anything else?"

She shook her head and leaned back on the headboard. Zach brushed his lips over the top of her head and had only taken a few steps when she blurted out, "Where are you going?"

"Sorry? I was going to bed; to sleep. Do you need something?"

She didn't answer, but she looked disappointed. She looked away and stroked Neville's soft head, speaking quietly. Zach wasn't sure if she was talking to him or the baby. She licked her lips. "I thought…I…was just thinking that…you might like to sleep here…tonight." She looked up at him, meeting his eyes.

Zach didn't hesitate. "I'd like that very much," he said with a smile. He slipped his naked body under the quilt and watched as Megan continued to feed their son, who was swallowing and slowly drifting off to his own sleep. Zach touched his cheek with one finger and then let his hand rest on Megan's thigh. He didn't look at her, but he smiled when she put her other hand in his hair, brushing it back from his face. He was really looking forward to their holiday.


	6. Chapter 6 A Bird in the Hand

"Have another." Brian Callahan set the pint down in front of Zacharias. "Don't look at me like that. It's only your second. Third. Worse case – you Floo home."

Zach smiled, taking a long drink. "How long do I need to stay? Just till you pull someone and then I can go home to my wife?"

"Nah. I like hanging around the pub with you."

Zach rolled his eyes. "I didn't think I was your type." He took another long drink.

"You're not," Brian laughed, "But for some reason, the ladies like you and…." He shrugged.

Zach waved his left hand showing off his wedding ring and Brian laughed again.

"Yeah. I should get one of those as well. The birds seem not to mind t'all. In fact…" He nodded over Zacharias' shoulder. He turned his head to see where Brian was indicating. She was standing just out of the shadows. Long blonde hair to go with her long legs. Short skirt, low cut top. "Very nice." Brian gave voice to Zach's thoughts, adding, "I think she's gonna buy you a drink."

"She's not buying me a drink."

"Oh, I don't know about that. Here it comes now."

The drink was put in front of Zacharias, but he pointed at Brian, and shook his head in refusal. "Tell her no thank you, Gemma. I'm married, but my friend wouldn't mind."

"I already told her you were married." Gemma winked, patting Zacharias on the back and getting a tray full of new drinks to deliver.

"I told you," Brian added. "Ooh, she's coming over."

"I'm going home." Zach finished his pint and pushed the new full one towards Brian who readily took it with a grin.

"You know, Smith, I don't mind leftovers."

Brian's eyebrows raised, pint glass to his lips and Zach felt the soft touch of a hand on his shoulder. "If you don't like the bitter, I'd be happy to buy you something different." Her hand slid down slowly, firmly until finally resting on his forearm.

Zacharias turned slightly in his stool. "I'm sorry." The hairs on his arm tingled. She was very pretty and he exchanged a look with Brian. "I hope you don't mind. I've given the drink to my friend here. I do appreciate the thought, but my wife would not."

"Is she here?" she asked, looking around the bar area. She had a pretty smile.

"She's not," Brian answered for Zach, who gave his friend a filthy look. Brian responded with a grin, still enjoying his free drink.

Zacharias took his arm out from under her hand, and put out his other one to shake. "Zacharias Smith. And this is my friend, Brian Callahan."

She introduced herself as Chloe Raines, soon attaching herself to Brian's arm. He didn't seem to mind at all. She continued staring at Zacharias and he went to take another drink, stopping when he realized he had given it away. Brian nodded towards Gemma, who was bringing over another pint.

"There's another now."

"Not likely mine."

"How long are you married?" Chloe asked, letting her eye wander over Zacharias.

"In June, it will be eleven years."

"Eleven years. That's a long time to be with _one_ woman."

"It's not that long. My parents –"

"You're a popular bloke tonight," Brian interrupted. "Can I have this one too?"

"What one?" but Zach now watched as another full pint was put in front of him.

"No more, Gemma. Yeah, fine, that's yours, too, Brian. I'm finished. I'm going home."

There was another hand, this one on his back, stopping him from rising, but this woman was a bit more ambitious, pressing her breasts against him.

"So much for married," Chloe chuckled, but Zacharias frowned and began to turn so he could face this new unwanted attention. The hand moved down the center of his back, distracting him for the moment.

"Look," he started to say, sounding a bit annoyed, but he wasn't able to finish his thought, stopping when she grabbed his bum firmly.

She spoke finally, a low sensual sound that made Zach's skin tingle. "Can't a girl buy a handsome bloke a drink and then take him home for a shag?"

Chloe's mouth dropped open and Brian practically spit his drink back into the glass and Zach knew his face must have turned crimson. He glared at Brian, knowing he could see her and Zach could not, but he didn't need to turn around now when he recognized his wife's voice. "What are you doing here? Where are the kids?"

"Kids?" a bewildered Chloe blurted out. Zach held up one hand with a smile while Megan leaned in tighter against him, leaving a long kiss on his neck. "Your Mum's."

"Five?! Did he just say five?"

Brian nodded in response to Chloe.

"All of them?"

"All of them. So can I buy you a drink then?"

He smiled at her. When was the last time they had gone out together – just the two of them? He leaned in for a kiss, but stopped, taking a good look at his wife away from her usual dress. After five kids, she had a few extra curves, but her skirt was short and her shirt was tight and he didn't know how long he'd last tonight because he wanted her right now and he almost didn't care who knew it as he stood up and pulled her closer. He had one hand steady on her back tightly, while the other gently touched her face. "You are always welcome to buy me a drink, love as long as you let me pay you back later tonight." His lips rubbed against hers and when she nipped at his lip, he pulled back. She hissed in frustration, but laughed and moved back in suddenly, but he wouldn't let her lips meet his, holding himself just out of reach.

"Zacharias." She looked into his eyes and she opened her mouth to protest again but that was when he took her mouth with his, pushing his tongue in and biting on hers. Both hands cupped her arse and then one slipped beneath her skirt, beginning to lift it a little. Her skin was so soft. He skimmed his fingers softly around her thigh and Megan let out a tiny moan when he tugged on her knickers.

"Public."

Hearing Brian's voice reminded him where he was more than the word itself and he stopped, kissing Megan gently before taking one step back, staring at her again with a smile.

"Maybe we'll just go home now," he suggested, swallowing.

"Or," she said, tracing his lips with her fingertip, "Maybe we'll just go next door." She slipped a key card into his front jeans pocket, letting her hand linger longer than strictly necessary, moving her mouth very close to his ear. "Room 653."

She took a gentle bite of the bottom of his ear and moved her hand down his body as she walked away, only stopping her touches of him until she could no longer reach. She turned away and Zacharias watched her walk out of the pub.

"Close your mouth mate."

Zacharias looked at Brian and Chloe, and he could feel the stupid grin still on his face. "I think I'll be going now. It was lovely to meet you…"

"Chloe," she supplied after his long pause.

"Yes," he nodded.

"Only five kids?" she asked with a small laugh.

"So far," he answered, but he was already walking away with a wave.


	7. Chapter 6A Griefstricken

He stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the sitting room. The room was dark, the only light coming from the hallway at the top of the stairs and some moonlight. He watched Megan from the shadows. She was curled up on the sofa and every so often, her back spasmed. Zacharias couldn't tell if she were asleep or had just exhausted herself from crying. He put his hand over his face, and rubbed his chin. He simply didn't know what to say in her grief.

He crossed the room, kneeling on the floor so he could look into Megan's face. Her eyes were closed and that gave Zacharias time to think. What could he say? He almost never had the right words for anyone often sounding like a know-it-all or an arrogant prat or both, but with Meg it was different. Since sixth year, she had only taken his words wrong once. Well, twice, but that was mostly hormones.

He leaned over and kissed her temple tenderly. "Meg." Even in shadow, he could see the blotches on her face. He kept his face close, gently pressing his lips to various parts of her face, brushing her hair back with tender fingers. Her eyes remained closed, but Zach could tell that she was awake. He rubbed his cheek along her face, kissing her new tears away. "Meg. I'm so sorry, Meg. I don't know what you want me to do. What do you need?"

Megan's eyes fluttered open and she inched into his arms awkwardly. He climbed onto the sofa, sliding his lap under her as he drew her into his arms more securely, holding and rocking her. "Who told you?" she asked him in a tiny, quiet voice that worried him.

"Tony. Was he the one who came here?"

She shook her head slowly. "Harry came."

Zacharias nodded. He rested his head against Megan's. She began hyperventilating as she continued speaking.

"How will…I tell…the kids? They were…spending…next weekend there. I…was…going to…surprise you. Ten years. I wanted…. Harry'd already…okayed time off and…" She began to cry in full force again and Zacharias held her close, murmuring comforting words into her ear.

He switched to Auror for a moment, much more natural after his many years in the job. "Do you know what your Mum was doing there? Gary didn't know – he thought she was at the market."

Megan nodded. "Baby shop." Her words were covered in tears as she spoke. "There was something special she wanted for the new one; said it couldn't wait. They'd run out. She wouldn't tell me what. Who kills someone's grandmother shopping for a gift?" Her tears flowed and she choked on her next sentence, her words ending as her voice broke off, "How do I tell them, Zach? How –"

"I don't know the answers, Megan – not to either question."

He heard the sounds on the stairs and turned his head to look while not displacing Megan. Morag sat on Neville's lap and he had his arm around Wayne's shoulder, holding him close, tears streaming down all three of their faces as they quietly watched their parents on the sofa. He turned back to his wife. "Meg," he whispered. "They already know," he said, motioning behind him for her to see and beckoning to them at the same time. He was surprised at the speed in which they jumped into their parents' laps, even Neville. The oldest at nine and a half, he was embarrassed at first that he was crying, but Zach nodded and pulled him closer, reassuring him that it was all right to cry for someone you loved. Wayne cuddled up to Megan and Morag squeezed in between her two parents, Janice the only one missing. She was too young to understand the change in the house's demeanor, still asleep in her bed.

Zacharias saw the switch in Megan almost immediately. As soon as her kids needed her to be strong, she stopped her own crying and began to soothe Morag, brushing her unruly curls from her damp face; hugging Wayne tightly against her stomach that had only begun to show with the new baby. Her hand was on Neville's knee, letting him know that it's okay to cry and to be comforted by your Mum, but also that he was old enough to comfort his brother and sister when they needed his help.

They sat like that for what seemed like forever until finally the two youngest fell asleep. Zacharias carried Wayne up and put him in his bed, kissing his forehead before coming back down to bring Morag up. He settled her into Neville's bed and Neville agreed to sleep on the floor, so the little ones could all be together if they woke up in the night.

Megan had already followed him up, so he kissed the top of her head and went down to extinguish the lights and lock up with the protection spells. Megan sat at the dressing table, staring at her parents in their wedding photo. Zach put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "I didn't know if you wanted me to carry you up too."

"While you still can you mean?"

He smiled. "You said that, not me. And anyway, you're not that big yet." He rested his chin on her shoulder and gently took the photo from her hand, putting it back in front of the mirror. "Come to bed, Meg." Zach raked his fingers through her hair. She shook her head and pushed his hand away. She turned her hairbrush over in her hand and began to slowly brush her hair. Tears began to flow once again. Zach watched her in the mirror, biting his lip. He couldn't bear to see her like this. When he found out who had done this to his family, he would kill them. Simple.

"Meg."

She shook her head again. He reached out and took the brush from her hand. Before she could protest, he ran the brush through the back of her hair. He brushed long strokes and he watched her face in the mirror. He continued to brush and finally after several minutes, he returned the brush to the table.

He touched her shoulder. "Come to bed, Meg. Tomorrow's going to be a long day. You need your rest."

Finally, she nodded and standing up, took a deep breath and turned into Zach's arms. He held her for a long moment and led her to their bed. "Do you want –" She shook her head and lay down on the bed still fully dressed.

Zacharias lay next to her, wrapping his arms tightly around her, nestling his face into her neck, and holding her until she finally fell asleep.


	8. And Baby Makes Three

He took the stairs two at a time. He really didn't want to miss this. Maternity should really be on the first floor when you were having an almost-Auror's baby. He burst through the door and stopped short. Megan was propped up in the bed, much like he'd left her, but it seemed calmer than when he'd left, no real urgency in the room now. He stood still until the door closed on him, forcing him to stumble further into the room. He was breathing faster and his confusion mounted. He let out a breath, and the Healer who was standing turned around and Zacharias could see a bundle in his arms. Everyone was staring at him and as he stared at the motionless bundle, it suddenly raised a hand and Zacharias couldn't help but smile as he watched his child moving about.

"Would you like to do the severing charm, Mr. Smith?"

He looked briefly at the second Healer, his wand poised and Zacharias shook his head, swallowing nervously. He still didn't know yet if it was a boy or a girl as the Healer did the spell and the baby was placed into Megan's arms.

Megan cooed and smiled at the baby, talking in low soothing tones, but her words were for Zach's ears. "Did you get him?"

"What?"

"Carrow?"

"Oh, oh. No, we missed him."

"Come over and meet your son," she said, finally looking at him with those big brown eyes.

He moved slowly into the room. His head was thudding with the pounding of his blood; a stupor filling his mind, unsure of what he was supposed to do or feel. Megan looked away from him as the second Healer stepped away from the bed. He saw the movement of tiny limbs secure in the blanket and thought he heard a cautious coo as the baby adjusted to the feel of his mother from the outside.

He continued walking slowly, afraid of a distracted misstep, carefully settling on the chair next to the bed. His chest hurt from the pounding of his heart, not slowing but no longer beating rapidly from the exertion, but from exhilaration.

"Is he hungry?" the Healer asked.

"He doesn't seem to be" was Megan's quiet answer. Zacharias thought it was good that she seemed to be in as much awe of this tiny person as he was.

"Have you named him?" Zacharias' voice sounded foreign in his ears, but he smiled when the baby turned towards him. He reached out a tentative hand, but pulled it back.

"I hadn't." She hesitated and Zach knew that even if it wasn't official, she had a name in mind already. He pushed thoughts of the secret keeper, of time wasted out of his mind for now as he looked at his son's small pink face, his eyes closed, just the tiniest peek at his light hair under the blue cap – more like the fuzz on Zach's chin right now than proper hair.

"Could I…can I hold him?" Zach asked softly, reaching out and gently touching the baby's hand. _So soft_. Megan nodded and the Healer scooped him up like a sack of flour, directing Zacharias to sit back and rest his elbow on the arm of the chair. Then the baby was in his arms.

_The baby was in his arms._

All sounds ceased for Zacharias except the tiny baby sounds and the loud beating of his own heart. Zacharias stared at him, eyes blurring. He was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"Did you have a name in mind?"

Megan's voice sounded far away and he shook his head without really processing the question. "Whatever you want." And really, did it matter? As long as it wasn't –

"What do you think?"

"I'm sorry, Meg…I didn't –"

"Neville Cedric. Smith."

He smiled. "It sounds like a hero's name. I like it." He looked at Megan and smiled at her. He was beginning to see his life ahead of him, and he thought it might be okay. She was speaking to him again. He was holding his son in his arms. He was on his way to a good job. Yes, it was a dangerous one, and perhaps he had joined to prove some things and make up for others, but he had a very good reason to keep himself safe now.

After what seemed like both a long and a too-short time, Neville Cedric began squirming in his father's arms. He had managed to get one arm out of the swaddle and was flailing his fist dangerously close to Zacharias' nose, which only made Zach laugh.

Neville fussed and batted him in the face a couple of times and then he really let loose. His scream startled Megan, who had been resting and was now wide awake and they shared a confused and anxious look when the Healer scooped Neville out of Zacharias' arms. He and Megan exchanged another look. This was so new to both of them.

"He's hungry. Are you ready for his first feeding?"

"I…" Megan faltered, obviously as unprepared as Zacharias. Just as he was wondering if perhaps he could feed the baby, his eyes widened as the Healer balanced the baby on one arm, using the other hand to loosen Megan's dressing gown and open it enough to reveal one breast.

Before he had a chance to sort out his mixed feelings on this, Megan let out a squeal of discomfort as Neville had grabbed onto her breast with his mouth, clearly knowing better than the both of them on what was to be done and immediately.

"He's a natural," the Healer gushed. "Look at him go."

Zacharias stared, mouth half hanging open. Finally, he stood and moved his chair to the other side of the bed so he could be closer to Neville's head. Megan had her body bent over Neville, her head very close to his, her hair falling in their son's face. Zacharias reached out and pulled her hair back, holding it over her shoulder, out of Neville's face. Now, he could see his son suckling and swallowing the milk. Zacharias felt warm and peaceful and it didn't matter that he missed the actual birth. He was here now.

He took turns staring at Megan and Neville and finally looked into Megan's face. "I'm glad you're speaking to me again. I've missed your voice. Will you move into the flat now? I don't mean right this moment now, just…" He was stammering and he knew he sounded foolish, but she hadn't answered, and he was afraid that if she didn't say something soon he'd start babbling incoherently.

"Zacharias, I need to know. Why did you leave?"

"You said you understood about Carrow – you sent me…" The look on her face made him realize that he was answering the wrong question. How could he explain it any better than he had six months ago? "Sorry. I didn't…anyway, I explained why at the meeting. After talking to my father, I really thought it was best to get through the year and join the Order after leaving Hogwarts."

"You should have talked to me first. We were…something…close…weren't we?"

"We were. I should have," he nodded in agreement. "You're probably right about that, but you know I don't think that way. I was going to talk to you after I spoke to Neville. I didn't expect… I tried to come back; to talk to you. I couldn't get in the room."

"Colin banned you."

"I know Colin banned me." He spoke roughly; spatting out the secret keeper's name. He knew he'd been a little shorter with her than he'd intended, but he was getting on a roll now. "What was I supposed to do? You wouldn't speak to me. No one in the DA would speak to me." He paused. "Except Macmillan. I didn't expect to be banned from _you_. I thought we'd be able to talk after. I thought you'd agree with me. It hurt me that you didn't defend me to any of them." He stopped, knowing that his tone was going to get him into trouble. "What else do you need to know to make this right between us?"

She seemed startled by his forcefulness and hesitated before speaking again. "Did you tell them? About the DA? The Room of Requirement?"

"Did I tell? Is that what you think? No, I didn't tell them. Do you have any idea what it was like for me? After all of you went into hiding. Do you?"

"No," she answered quietly, but before Zach could go on, the Healer came back in and helped Megan to move Neville to her other breast, interrupting their conversation for the moment.

"You need to wake him up to be sure that he eats enough. Here, let me show you. Uncover his feet and run your fingernail along the bottom." Neville startled and began to kick. Megan rubbed his cheek and settled him on the other side. This time, Neville wasn't as interested in her breast. _Just wait, little man_ was Zacharias' thought and he watched as both the Healer and Megan tried to interest him in drinking some more. Neville finally relented with a sigh and began to suck. Almost as soon as the Healer left the room, Zach could see the milk dribbling down his chin as the baby promptly fell asleep.

Zach felt the pain of those twelve days and his voice showed the rawness of his emotions and the memory of his physical pain. "I was the _only_ seventh year left. I was the _only_ one of age. They thought I was the contact for the rest of the DA. They thought I was left out intentionally to feed information to you guys. I was tortured _every day_. Every fucking day, Megan. Remember Snape's friend? He came back. The only thing that kept me from telling them everything was the thought of you in there. I couldn't take much more. I don't know how I took what I did. I would have killed myself if Harry hadn't come back when he did."

Megan looked up at him, but he was staring at his son. Her voice was quiet. "You didn't fight with us. Why didn't you fight with us?"

"I couldn't. As long as Colin was alive, I couldn't return to the DA unless he lifted the ban. I did the only thing I could think of. I left. On my broom. I flew as fast as I could and brought back Justin, a few others. I broke the Secrecy Statute. I was determined to get as many of the Muggle-borns to return as I could. I came back and you were…you were…gone." He couldn't finish the sentence as his voice cracked, on the verge of tears. He couldn't relate what it was like when he found out that she'd already been taken to St. Mungo's, her shoulder shattered. How could he explain why he wasn't there to protect her? And when he got to St. Mungo's, she refused to see him. It was worse than the torture, being kept from her. And now she hadn't spoken to him in all that time until just a few hours ago. "I would have done anything to keep you safe, Meggie. Anything. Including die myself. I love you."

He looked at her and was surprised to find her looking at him, tears rolling down her cheeks. He tried to look away, but she reached for him. At the same moment, she dislodged Neville and they both looked down at their son as his mouth made an audible pop as it was forcibly removed from Megan's breast. Megan leaned closer until their faces were inches apart, the baby between them and she kissed him. Her lips were dry and a bit rough after her long labor, but Zacharias didn't care. She was kissing him, and it felt right.


	9. Questions and Answers

It had been nearly a year since their forced marriage. Little Neville was six months old now. They had gotten through the first anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. Zacharias had even recently made amends with Colin Creevey, who was now the Gryffindor ghost. In another year, he will have completed the accelerated Auror program. Surprisingly, Zach had fit right in, not only with the Aurors, but the training itself, pleasantly taken by surprise that he enjoyed his new career choice so much. His parents had bought a large house for him and Megan as an anniversary gift. Six bedrooms. _Merlin, who would ever need six bedrooms? Who were they? The Weasleys?_

_"Good real estate," his father had said._ That much was true, but still – six bedrooms. He and Megan were extremely grateful, but what were his parents thinking?

There was still something that was missing – his one regret. Well, perhaps not his only regret, but the one he was most displeased with. He slipped his hand into his trouser pocket and let his finger slide through the center of the ring. He hadn't been able to give it to her before Neville was born. The second time he meant to give it to her was on the anniversary of the Battle, but she was too distraught remembering her brother. There would be no memorial to him. He _had_ chosen the wrong side, but she mourned the boy she had grown up with. There was also the lingering memory of Wayne and Morag. Their deaths had hit them both especially hard. In all of the wedding planning they had managed before Zach walked out on the DA, Wayne would have been his best man that summer and Morag would have been Megan's maid of honor, a title the four of them snickered about.

He twisted the ring around his finger – much too small for his thick fingers of course. He didn't hear the door to the training room open or close until her hands were on him. He didn't have time to realize that they were small and soft and her finger traced the line of his hair behind his ear before grasping his shoulder. He jumped up, drawing his wand amazingly fast, just like they had practiced that morning. He was halfway through the _Stupefy_ spell before realizing it was Megan and jerking his wand away from her before he could complete the incantation.

"Don't do that," he said venomously. He took a deep breath, ready to shout about Death Eaters and being on high alert, but pausing when he saw the look on her face. He took one hesitant step forward. "I'm sorry, Meggie. You startled me," he admitted with a low chuckle.

"I can see that."

They stood and looked at each other for a moment, deciding if this was worth a row or if they would just leave it in the moment and move on. They had been doing a lot of moving on instead of rowing, and Zacharias took that as a good sign for their future together. He felt the metal against his hand again when he put his hand back into his pocket. He glanced behind where Megan was standing. "Where's the baby? Where's Neville," he asked, suddenly realizing that she had come in alone.

She laughed with a shake of her head. He was distracted watching her hair fall back into place and he smiled as she finished her answer. "I ran into your father on the way over. You know how he is. For such a sedate and serious man, he turns to complete mush when that child is around."

Zacharias laughed. "So do I," he said in a quiet voice. He closed the distance, sheathing his wand while he stepped towards her. He smiled as he ran his hand down her arm, squeezing her hand. His voice remained quiet. "Can I ask you something?"

"Let me guess."

"Is the question that obvious?"

"You are transparent, Mr. Smith," she teased. She leaned in and kissed him, long and sweet, soft and slowly, but her enthusiasm building. Her hands grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer. "Mmm. Does that door lock?" She nodded her head behind her to indicate the door, and Zach smiled.

"It does. We're not," he insisted with a smile, taking one step back away from her.

"You don't want to?" she asked in a low tone, taking two steps.

"I _want_ to. I just don't want to get caught by Robards. _Again_." He met her eye and was surprised to see her blush at the memory of being caught on his desk. In the real world, it took about twenty minutes to clean up the paperwork. If they'd still been at Hogwarts, Professor Sprout would have made them pick it all up without magic.

She recovered quickly. "What's your question then?"

He swallowed, his mouth going dry, but in one swift motion, he pulled the ring from his pocket and pressed it into her hand, never taking his eyes from her face. "Will you marry me, Megan?"

Her mouth was open, but her face took on a look of shock. It took her a moment to speak. "Zach, we're already married. It will be one year next week. Have they been using you to practice memory charms on?"

"No, Meggie, my memory is fine. You married me because your father forced you to; not because you wanted to. _I_ want to be your husband. I'm asking if you want to be my wife; if you _would_ marry me."

"Oh, Zacharias." She spoke softly and touched his face with both her hands. She made his heart beat faster when she did that. She stepped deeper into his arms and kissed him. "I love you, Zacharias. I want to be your wife. Forever."

He took the ring from the hand she clutched it in, and slid it onto her third finger until it lay next to her wedding ring. "Today, you get the ring you should have gotten last year. One day, I'll give you the wedding."


	10. A Quick Trip to the Loch

The room was empty when he Apparated in. The only light was from the morning sun filtering in and as Zacharias glanced around the cozy bedroom, noticing the pieces of his family mixed in with the Macmillan furnishings. Megan's bright yellow dressing gown lying across the tartan quilt; Janice's bunny in the cradle, Morag's favorite book halfway under the bed. He didn't see any of the boys' things and guessed that they were sharing a different room. He ran his fingers over the dressing gown, lifting it to his face, taking in the lingering smell from Megan's last wearing. He dropped it back down, moving into the shadows when the door opened, her voice bringing a smile to his lips.

"No, Nev. Can you see to Janice's breakfast until I come down?"

"Yeah, Mum."

"Will you tell Mrs. Macmillan that I'll be down as soon as I dress?"

Zacharias didn't hear Neville's response. Megan closed the door and turned. He watched for only a moment, listening to her humming, not resisting the urge to tease.

"You don't have to get dressed right away, do you?"

She jerked around in his direction, but after a fleeting look of shock, she hurdled into his arms throwing her arms around his neck, kissing him several times in a row. He laughed, but stopped her pecks by pulling her as close as her ever-expanding belly would allow and taking her mouth with his, letting his tongue weave with hers until they were breathless. He led her to the bed, shrugging out of his robes; lifting her nightdress over her head, stopping to admire her before gently pushing her down on the bed.

"Oh my, Megan, I have missed you."

She made short work of the buttons on his shirt and the waistband of his trousers and he slid out of both as he moved his body along hers, laving her warm body with kisses. Her hands were soft on his face, her kisses sweet on his neck and he needed to be inside her before it was too late. He was nearly there as it was. He rolled her away from him and faced her back, kissing her shoulder blades and the nape of her neck, letting his hand move along each dip and curve – in at her neck, over one breast, slowly in and then out around the baby. He'd linger longer later to say hello to what he believed was another son, but for now all he wanted was his wife.

Megan held one of his hands, but her other one reached back with long fingers teasing him, arousing him more than he thought possible; more than he'd ever expected any woman could do to him. He was like a teenager when he was away from her for too long and today was no exception. She yelped out a giggle as he bit down on her shoulder a little too hard. He couldn't help but chuckle himself and was surprised when she stilled his exploring hand, instead bringing it up to rest on the widest part of her stomach. He was confused until he felt the baby moving, turning over itself, sticking a foot out to touch his hand on the other side.

Zacharias nuzzled Megan's neck, putting more pressure on his wife's stomach with his hand. After a short time, the baby settled down and Megan turned in his arms, her hands touching him, smoothing up his chest, tweaking a nipple, kissing him deeply, letting her fingers run slowly through his hair, saying much more without words.

"Don't you want me to –" he began, but she kissed him, shaking her head.

"Can we go home now?" she asked, hushed, but excitedly.

"Home? No, it's still not safe."

Her face fell, and Zach swallowed feeling terrible. He realized the impression he'd given her when she spoke. "Not safe? I thought…you're not here to pick us up? What are you doing here, Zach?"

He bit his lip, but couldn't hide the grin forming. "I…this…is my lunch break."

Her jaw dropped and he shrugged, leaning in for another kiss as she slapped his chest playfully and rested his head on hers. "I've missed you. I can't sleep without you in my bed." He kissed her cheek and her jaw, brushing gently across her lips with his own. He shifted; rubbing his lower half against her, easily becoming roused again, surprised himself at how quickly.

"Zach," she bemoaned with laughter in her voice.

"I can't help it. I love the feel of you, Meg."

The knock startled them both. "Mum, are you dressed? Cecily said her mum's looking for you. Mum?"

After a short wait, Neville knocked again.

Megan was having a hard time controlling her giggles, but called through the door. "Neville, I'm having a bit of trouble. I'll be down soon, all right, love?"

"Yeah, Mum. I'll tell Mrs. Finnigan. Should I get Mr. Finnigan for you; to help?"

"And what do you need Mr. Finnigan's help for?" Zach asked in an undertone, his eyes narrowing. He tried to keep his voice light, but there was a tightness that made Zach uncomfortable.

"Jealous?" she asked her husband in the same quiet light tone, but called through the closed door. "No, thank you, Neville. I won't need Seamus today."

"Today?" Zach whispered.

She ignored him to respond to Neville. "I'll be down soon. You go on."

"Today?" Zach repeated through his tightened jaw.

Megan smiled. "He helped me arrange the beds. I'm just taking the mickey out of you, you know," she added in a gentler tone. She pressed her hands on his chest, rubbing tenderly, moving her head to kiss his Adam's apple, teasing him with her tongue until he groaned, making her smile. "I love you, too, Zach. I miss you." She bit back a cry. "I want to go home." Zach said nothing, only holding her, knowing there was more on her mind than loneliness. He felt her tears on his cheek as he rubbed his face against hers. "Can't I go?" she finally asked.

He closed his eyes. He had been waiting for the request. "You can't. I'm sorry. We don't know –"

"I know," she said harshly. "Are you going…to the funeral?"

He nodded. She began to cry and ran her fingers along his bare chest, rubbing her thumb and finger together as though feeling imaginary cloth, dipping her finger into the hollow of his neck to straighten an imaginary tie.

"You can't wear robes."

"I know," he nodded.

"You have that blue suit in the back of the wardrobe – the dark one. You can wear that."

"Meggie –"

She shook her head. "She's my mother, Zach. I should be there. I should…." She collapsed against him again, and he knew that this was rough for her, and he let her cry it out, pressing tender kisses to her head and face, rubbing her back.

She pushed away from him with both hands, rolling herself off the bed. He lay back in the bed and watched her. She avoided his eye, turning her back to him, sliding her knickers on. He was staring, and he was sure that she knew it when she glanced over her shoulder, then facing him while she slipped her arms through the sleeves and slowly buttoned her shirt.

She came back to the bed fully dressed, sitting beside him. "Do you have time to see the kids or will you be late?"

"I'll be late. I want to see them." She stood to go, but he grabbed her hand. "I should tell you, though…."

"Tell me what?"

Her brow furrowed, concern etched in her eyes that seemed somehow older now. "I invited the others to the house; the bachelors."

"The bachelors?"

"Tony, Neville, Harry."

"Zacharias," she said sternly, tightening her hold on his hand.

"Uh oh. Mummy voice."

"I'm serious. I swear to Merlin, if you turn my house –"

"We're not teenagers, Meg. It won't be –"

"Tony's the _only_ one allowed in my kitchen. I've heard from Ginny that Harry –"

"Harry's fine."

"He's out of practice. As are you. Neville doesn't even know the fundamentals, growing up with a House elf."

"I love it when you get all domestically condescending. Give us a kiss then."

"Not until I'm home and can inspect my kitchen."

"Would you like your own House elf?"

"No, I would not, but you'll need a House elf if you expect to ever get –"

"Oh please, Meg. The next time I visit you'll be begging me for it."

She stuck her tongue out at that, but she did manage to squirm away before he could strengthen his hold on her.

"I'll see you downstairs," she said from the door.

He watched her until the door closed. _Merlin, he loved that woman._


	11. Sleepless Nights

Zacharias woke up dreamily; lazily. His body was relaxed; boneless and fluid as he rolled onto his side, reaching for Megan, only opening his eyes when he couldn't find her. He had the beginnings of a smile on his lips thinking her just out of reach, but then he remembered. He bit his lip, his fingers ghosting over her shape that wasn't there, sliding to rest his cheek on her pillow. Her smell was nearly gone. He slumped back on his side of the mattress.

He heard it: the silence of his house. Megan gone. His children gone. He wished he were gone. He squirmed and punched his pillow, trying to find a comfortable position. He'd shared this bed with Megan for ten years and she was safe at the Loch for less than a month. Each night, he awoke looking for her warmth. How long until the mystery was solved and his family could come home?

He had finally begun to settle into sleep again when he heard it: the crack of Apparation.

He didn't give himself time to be startled or sit up in bed. He rolled, leaping out, grabbing his wand and he ran into the corridor, meeting Neville and Harry, all in their pants, wands ready. Tony was right behind Harry, hobbling a bit, wand high in one hand, still fastening one leg on with the other. There was enough light from outside to guide them through the shadowy house. Sounds could be heard coming from the kitchen as tins were moved and papers shuffled.

Zacharias led the way down and turned on the stairs, holding a finger to his lips to silence the others needlessly.

A low light could be seen under the kitchen door when they arrived downstairs. They paused just outside the swinging door.

Harry put up one finger; then two; then finally his third. Several things happened at once: Zacharias flung open the kitchen door, slamming it into the wall, watching as Harry and Neville rushed into the kitchen. Tony Disapparated, reappearing in seconds inside the kitchen, adjacent to the back door, opposite the others.

The cloaked figure screamed, her hood falling away. The plate in her hand dropped to the stone floor, shattering into several pieces that skittered across the floor.

Wands remained high, breathing labored. Zacharias rushed in behind Harry, Neville's hand on his chest the only thing stopping his advancing angrily on his wife.

"Megan! What in fuck are you doing here?!" His fury was evident and despite Neville keeping a strong hand on Zach's arm, he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other avoiding Zacharias' furious glare.

Megan's eyes moved from her husband to Neville, and then Harry and Tony in turn, hiding her grin from all of them except Zach as she stooped over to pick up the broken pieces of glass.

"Surprising you lot apparently."

She lifted her eyes to meet Zach's, but almost immediately returned her gaze to the broken shards, gathering them up in her cupped hand.

Zacharias stood perfectly still, staring at the top of Megan's head. He was not amused. His lips were tightly shut and his chest was heaving. He breathed the air in tightly, and his fists remained clenched at his sides. He shrugged off Neville's hand and took one step only to be blocked by Harry who met his eye briefly before stepping aside. He didn't know what he was feeling at the moment. Anger, relief, happy to see his wife, but there was so much emotion going through his body; he didn't know what to do first to let all the sensations out.

He took another unsteady step, unsure of what he would do when he reached her. By the time he did reach her, he had calmed down quite a bit.

He touched her shoulder and as he squatted down in front of her, he ran his hand along her arm. "Let me help you," he said quietly, taking the glass from his wife's hands.

"Goodnight Megan," Tony said as he stepped around them.

"Goodnight Tony," she answered, her eyes remaining on the glass in her hand.

Zacharias had summoned the rubbish bin over while Harry and Neville quietly followed Tony from the kitchen, the door swinging quietly closed. He and Megan cleared up the rest of the glass.

"I'm sorry…I startled all of you," Megan said, hesitating before she touched Zach's hand.

"What're ya doin' here Megan? You're supposed to be safe at the Loch." He pulled his hand from hers and refused to look at her, but only for that moment. "How often do you sneak out, Meg? I can't…I can't do my job is I'm worrying about you…I can't. I need to know that you and the kids are safe."

Megan waved her wand and the remaining glass on the floor disappeared.

"I didn't sneak out. Susan knows where I went…and why."

"Why? What reason could you possibly have—"

He was cut short when she suddenly kissed him. He was caught off balance and he fell back on his heels, falling over and landing hard. He reached for Megan and grabbed her arm, intending to steady himself, but instead pulled her down on top of him.

She gasped, trying to break her fall with her hands pressing them flat against Zacharias' chest, which only pushed him further onto his back.

"Are you all right?" he laughed.

Megan paused to regain her balance and sat on the floor, smoothing a hand over her belly with a smile. "We're fine."

He started to speak, but the words caught in his throat when she crawled slowly, touching his mostly naked body with her fully clothed one until their faces were even. She touched his lip with one finger and slid it down, along his chin and followed the line of his neck.

He was completely distracted and didn't hear her until her words echoed in his head while she kissed his neck. "Happy Anniversary."

The whispered words hung in the air and he forced himself to pull his lips from hers. She was smiling.

He was not.

"Sweet Merlin. Megan, I'm sorry. With everything…I mean…"

She cut him off with a finger to his lips. "It's all right, Zacharias. I'm not angry." She ran her finger over the outline of his lip and inched closer, sitting in his lap. She let her lips brush against his collarbone, eliciting an almost-moan from him and he captured her lips with his, eagerly pushing her down onto the kitchen floor. Breathless, she continued, "I'm not angry, Zacharias, but I'm not sleeping alone tonight. I haven't in ten years and I won't start now."


End file.
